Ten Great Puns
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead
raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "Sorry, gentlemen,
only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One
went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed
behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.
He, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when
they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that
you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man
who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of
the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked,
as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess
nuts boasting in an open foyer.
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The
other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later,
Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon
receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since
everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist
across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked
the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went
back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and
most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh
beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back
if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby
proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of
the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his
feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail
and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This
made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)
A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was a woman who sent ten different
puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would
make them laugh.... unfortunately, no pun in ten did. (or
did they?)