Humor of all Sorts

"Hallo, Mr Laden" a heavily accented voice said.
"This here is Archie down at the Harp Pub in Badger's Cove Newfoundland. I am ringing ya to inform ya that we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well, Archie" Osama replied, "This is indeed important news. How big is your army?"
"Right now" said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is meself, me cousin Harold, me next door neighbour Mick, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes us eight!"
Osama paused. "I must tell you Archie, that I have a million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Damn!" said Archie. "I'll have to ring ya back."

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called back. "Mr Laden, the war is still on! We have arranged to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Archie?" Osama asked.
"Well, we has two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's tractor."
Osama sighed. "I must warn you, Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and
14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1 1/2 million since last we spoke."
"Damn!" said Archie. "I'll have to call ya back agin."

Sure enough, Archie rang the next day. "Mr Laden, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We've modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four byes from the Legion have joined us as well!"
Osama was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Archie, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to two million!"

"Wow bye!" said Archie. "I'll have to git back to ya!"

Sure enough, Archie called the next day. "How you doing, buddy. Mr Bin Laden, I am sorry to tell ya but we had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that." said Osama. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Archie, "we had a long chat over a bunch a pints, and we decided: