Some worthwhile
corporate lessons!
Corporate Lesson # 1:
A man is getting into the shower,
just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
After a few seconds of
arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell,
the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs
downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door
neighbor.
Before she could say a word, Bob says,
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel
and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and
leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman
wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets
back to the
bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was
that?"
"It was Bob, the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about
the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit
and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position
to prevent avoidable exposure.
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Corporate Lesson # 2:
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side
of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted.
She got
in and crossed her legs, forcing her habit to open
and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an
accident. After
controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up
her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember
Psalm 129?"
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely.
He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his
hand slide up
her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologized, "Sorry, Sister, but
the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got
out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way.
Upon his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to
retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and
seek, further
up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed
in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
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Corporate Lesson # 3:
A sales representative, an administration clerk, and
the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil
lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give
each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want
to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without
a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales
rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal
masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas, and the
love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two
back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
-------------------------
Corporate Lesson # 4:
A crow was sitting on
a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow and
asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not?"
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and
rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and
ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.
_________________
Corporate Lesson # 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to
be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey,
but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some
of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung
and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
lowest branch of the tree. The
next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was, proudly
perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was promptly
spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you
to the top, but it won't keep you there.
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Corporate Lesson # 6:
In Africa, every morning a gazelle awakens knowing that it
must outrun the fastest lion if it wants to stay alive.
Every morning, a lion
wakes up knowing it must run faster than the slowest gazelle or
it will starve to death.
Moral of the story:
It makes no difference whether you are a gazelle or
a lion.....when the sun comes up, you had better be hauling ass.
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